edscissors's blog
How quickly should one trust a potential opponent?
This afternoon I've had a really enjoyable exchange of messages with a guy only recently signed up to our site. I think I'd like to meet him but he lives in Italy and I'd have to book flights and hotel before I discover whether he's "for real".
During the afternoon I've felt more and more inclined to trust him. I've told him more about myself; he's told me more about himself. I think we like each other!
Usually, I'd want to exchange messages for a good time before committing but as the afternoon has progressed, I feel more and more inclined to trust him, despite the fact that I'd be his first opponent here on MF. I think we're about to Skype so this should be the deal-breaker or the deal-maker.
I'm always wary, though. Not so long ago, I was scammed by a young man, a "penurious student", who lives near Canterbury (Kent, UK). He's still on this site under a different name so WATCH OUT: don't pay putative taxi fares into a member's bank account in advance! Pay the fare, perhaps, but only once the opponent arrives as planned at your rendez-vous.
Should I book my flights to Italy? I already like this young guy and feel ready to "go for it" ... but I've told him my bad story and think he now understands why I'm going to be a bit careful and maybe insist on a Skype chat before I sign on the dotted line ... and buy my plane tickets.
edscissors (31 )
10/18/2017 5:12 PMI can add, by the way, that one of my closest friends here on MF was pretty scathing about my potential foolishness! He's about a third of my age. See my blog entry about "hooray for young people"!
edscissors (31 )
10/18/2017 4:43 PMThanks so much, everyone, for your advice, comments, and for sharing your own experiences. Some quite direct, some more ambivalent, but all interesting! Some of you left public comments here; others contacted me direct. I've really appreciated all the trouble people have taken.
The air fares proved prohibitively expensive for the moment so I won't be flying to Italy any time soon! I wish my potential opponent the best of good luck in finding the opponents he seeks - maybe some local guys initially? - and perhaps once he has more of a track record here on our excellent site (though, as I indicated, someone always has to be the first!), several of us will be travelling to Italy to meet him!
Thanks, everyone!
Sparrhawk (9)
10/18/2017 12:21 PMI would never fly to meet anyone. Driving somewhere is bad enough. I've chatted with some guys who swore we would wrestle and then they would change their mind at the last minute.
My last potential match was with a guy who said we'd meet for a match, and then the day of the match, he had all these excuses to keep making the time later and later. In my experience, the second it looks bad, it falls apart.
albeck (12)
10/15/2017 9:37 AMHi Ed,
I really think you should see if your opponent will meet up with a local wrestler before you spend loads of money on flights and a room. You, yourself could become disillusioned with this site if you get denied a meet up because of 'coldfeet' syndrome from a newbie. I personally distrust anyone with no opponents, as soon as you wrestle one, you know you want to wrestle many.
Albeck
SileX (196 )
10/15/2017 9:05 AMShort answer: NO.
Longer answer: Hell no. Let the local guys meet him first. They can do so with lower cost to themselves. And if he cannot seem.to be able to.find any locals to meet? That's an answer to your question onto itself.
surrey71 (23 )
10/15/2017 8:54 AMAlso be wary as there’s far too many scammers - even on this site, I’ve found and reported a few.
Booking flights etc to another country could be a huge mistake, just for the sake of s wrestle.
One piece of advice I can offer, make your match with him part of a trip - try to book
a few others but don’t make the journey just for one!
I’ve had a young Italian lad contact me yesterday asking if I would go to Italy - as if!! Don’t be a fool!!
osakarob (59 )
10/15/2017 3:32 AMI can't believe that anyone would even consider what you described. Especially given that you have been "taken" before.
"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."
edscissors (31 )
10/15/2017 12:01 AMNo - NO previous encounters. But SOMEONE has to welcome potential new guys to our site!
He sounds such a nice guy and is beginning to chat more freely ...
Edward
freestyle (83 )
10/15/2017 5:48 PM(In reply to this)
I think this is always a hard question been there myself . My second match ever i flew all the way to Las Vegas to meet a guy we had been exchanging messages a few months and chatting before i went over there in a way i was caught up in the moment found someone who liked the same stuff :) But i knew he had met and wrestled other guys had even shared a few match pics from his matches . I felt comfortable at the time travelling there to meet him
and i spent two weeks at his place wrestling with him at least once a day sometimes twice :) I had a great time too .
But i have since gone abroad to meet and wrestle two other guys who have given dates they were able to meet to me and wrestle me only when to arrive there and the day of the match they go quite and don't show up or even let you know . Its not a nice feeling too knowing they read your messages not had the courage to let you know via the site or text that they can not make it . You sit around in hotel waiting for them to reply but alas nothing waste of a day and these two guys did have past opponents which makes it in some ways even worse .
Had this experience with the two other guys happened first then i would have been more doubtful about meeting up with the guy in Las Vegas for had he not shown i would then have been stuck there not many wrestlers were out there then as there are now and i would then have had to have found accommodation too for my two weeks.
My advice would be is if you feel strongly that you trust the guy he is genuine and you feel you can take a chance flying out there to meet him ask yourself
is it a place where you would also like to visit is there much to do there? you might just end up being a tourist after all with no match
are there other wrestlers in the area who would be willing to wrestle you check with them before booking anything as at least that way you can get a match in .
does the city where he lives have many wrestlers ? if not see if he is ok going to city nearby that has more wrestlers as if he genuine and wants a match with you then he will most likely be prepared to travel a bit too to make it happen. If he is not then are there other cities nearby which are easy to get too if you need to travel for a match.
yes we have to take a chance with new guys on the site everyone has to start somewhere and even those who have had matches don't always show
the thing is he is not local and you having to pay flight and hotel and giving up your time for ONE guy, what i am trying to say is cover your bases check for other wrestlers out there are there other cities with in easy access with more wrestlers ,just incase the guy lets you down if you do decide to go ahead with it .
At the end of the day it will be your choice we can only give advice and the thing as most guys say is wait to see if he meets anyone from his country first if he lives in a large city where there are a lot of wrestlers and he wants to wrestle then he will have a match soon i am sure.
Shadow Knight (83 )
10/14/2017 11:51 PMDoes he have any past opponents or recommendations? I would be dubious if he has none.
Booking flights and hotels to another country will be an expensive mistake if, when you get there he decides to cancel on you