Pwers1103's blog

I didn't think I would be writing another blog this soon or ever again actually. But sometimes life can change in a day, if not a minute. The bond between a Coach and his trainee, esp in combat sports, is exceptionally close, unique, iron-clad- the two invest a ton of time and energy in developing whatever skill is being sought. I am very lucky- I had really good Coaches: in boxing, I had a former Showbox professional train me & in wrestling, a former All American; both treated me w respect and admiration not only due to my age but because of the athleticism I showed at my age. But I was extremely lucky to have an exceptional Coach, a Man from this site whom many of U know as Radner Bearman, file now deleted. What started out as an ordinary Monday training session w Coach, wch went off on time as usual (Coach is a railroad man who was rarely late and expected punctuality) ended w great sadness that has me devastated. Before rumor, gossip or anything else spreads, I'm writing this post as a tribute to and legacy of an excellent Coach, a superior fighter and an extraordinary Man.
I first met Joe almost 3 years ago when he posted a few ab exercises online- they were extremely helpful to this guy and I reached out and thanked him. Anyone who knows him knows he always reached out and he asked me if I wanted a trainer who would help develop my abs further, an offer that was irresistible. If U remember his file, he was a very tall guy (6'5" ) w the elongated BUT extremely ripped abs; he was a boxer (Golden Gloves & AAU), kickboxer and ref who was trained by his Dad, a Navy vet who won his weight division while in the service- his Dad was not very tall BUT trained his son to take punches in the gut because due to his size, he knew that most fighters Joe would meet would not be as tall so his mid-section would be a primary target. That is how/why Joe got such amazing abs, wch most of U admired- I know I did so I jumped at the chance to train w him.
& Coach knew his stuff- he would develop a training program to work Ur abs and then being a fighter w amazing abs would introduce U to forced impact training, wch I have tried to explain in a comment in the Gut Punching Group. W each session, he would gauge Ur progress and take U further down the road- at this time in my life, I can say and have said I have the tuffest mid-section I ever had & harder than most on this site even if my 6 pac is not as visible as some of U. Coach always said "there are muscles to show and muscles to go" & w his training, I have both. Our sessions would normally last two hours and we would work out every other day, sometimes every day, sometimes twice a day. We would even have competitions to see who could take the medicine ball in the gut the most (he usually won but I always gave him a run for his money). What made him exceptional was not only his knowledge BUT he never once in almost 3 years said a negative word, was never condescending or pretentious, always encouraging, always challenging- taking me to the next level w each session (I cannot speak for others but he always used trash talk, saying he wanted to break me but never could tho in a few sessions, he got me feeling busted up) & it was always fun. And no matter how tired I was, I always felt gr8t after our sessions due to what he called the "endorphin rush", grin. I have rarely met a Man who was as genuine, generous, good natured as my Coach. He gave me what I needed and wanted- a hard gut w the confidence to prove it- I am in much better shape and a better fighter because of my Coach, Radner Bearman.
We had our differences- me, an openly gay, extremely liberal New Yorker & him, a married straight conservative Man in the South BUT we both respected and understood our opinions and rarely did it influence a workout session. In fact, I recently told him that this country would be a much better place if folk were more like us, respectful of each other's opinions and backgrounds- the point is he is also very smart, would listen to what one would say and could them make his judgement. In fact, that is how our training sessions worked- he would explain the exercise, I would repeat it back, do the drill and make modifications- each body is different and he appreciated the fact that my history in body building gave me the knowledge to work the muscle groups that he wanted me to work- it was very symbiotic and it worked well. Our interaction was also amazing and as I am sure all his trainees will say, we developed a special connection (sorry Guys, my connection was THE most special). We got along extremely well because despite differences in our backgrounds and size, we were very similar- stubborn (Joe always reminded me he was the Coach, lol, but called me an obstinate old Yankee, grin), smart (we knew our muscles wch is why our sessions went so well), always called out BS and we both were "loquacious" (his words except for me, it's obviously my writing, wch he always appreciated since he asked me to edit his comments). Joe became a Big Brother to me, always giving me advise concerning many things and always right on. And HE was an exceptional friend as well as trainer- after my accident hiking in the mountains, he would call to check in and inquire when we could resume training; I told him that it could be problematic since after my surgery, I had clotting issues wch required blood thinners; while on blood thinners, one cannot fight because U bruise more easily and develop serious consequences such as damage to one's internal organs, hemorrhaging, etc & therefore, no forced impact training. And altho he said he would work around that, because of our special relationship and his excellent training, I discontinued taking them and have achieved incredible results. So I understand his decision to lead the next chapter in his life the way he damn well pleases w/o medical intervention.
Not too long ago, I posted a comment because s/one from this site said he wasn't "masculine", wch just friggin pissed me off- Joe has been fighting since he was 16 years of age and coming from a railroad family, he worked for the railroad working on the railroad, working as a police officer for the railroad and inspecting derailments of railroads- when U have that background, do NOT say that MY Coach isn't "masculine"; and for all who may wonder, I can assure U he was/is VERY heterosexual- he has an amazing, beautiful wife, also a trainer. Joe's primary job w the railroad required him to be on call 24/7/365 and as a result, being a former fighter who never lost the bug, joined MF to discuss boxing and offer his advice to anyone who sought it. Thankfully, I did.
So what happened on Monday?? Monday was a little different- he ended our session after only an hour and then told me that he & his wife would be taking time to go to Alaska, her native state. He said he would be leaving MF, wch left me wondering, and then told me he had cancer (never once before did such a BIG, vibrant Man who showed such a zest for living and our training even hint that he was ill so I will assume his diagnosis came over the weekend). My Momma used to say " what U can't have, U shouldn't miss or U may make Urself unhappy" and I will assume that is why he left the site- being on this site and feeling the way he is at this time just may not make him very happy. He did not tell me much afterwards and I can understand why- when U develop the bond that we had, it is way too difficult to explain to s/one so close w/o getting too emotional. Afterwards, he texted me saying that Monday was our final session & told me about his terminal diagnosis- and that is why I am devastated and heart broken. But I, more than most, understand his actions.
25 years ago, after living through the AIDS epidemic for more than a decade, losing all my partners, all my friends and many men w whom I was intimate with, after testing negative for 5 consecutive years, I crossed over to the dark side and was diagnosed poz- it was a shock to get the test results because after seeing what happened to my lovers and peers and how quickly they passed, I didn't think I would make it past 45 years of age; it took time to process and accept the fact that I would be dead w/in 2 years so I completely understand Joe's actions because he now has to process and accept his diagnosis. I was lucky cause I survived and thrived all these years due to the miracles of modern medicine but I cannot say the same for my Coach- my heart aches for the pain he, his wife, his family and friends have.
Having said that, I know Coach is an extremely proud man- as s/one said a long time ago, "I am not here to bury him, but to praise him", wch is what I hope I have done- I am here to honor the Man that, through his generosity, knowledge, training and good nature has made me a much better person and a harder fighter. During these past 3 years, he gave me s/thg to look forward to every other day, to tuffen up and have a gr8t time. No thoughts and prayers BS- I wish him & his wife all the best in Alaska and know he will be back home in Memphis when the time is right. Coach- gloves up, go raise hell, have a blast!
If anyone wants to post a comment about Coach Radner, feel free but don't offer thoughts & prayers- this isn't an elegy but a fond tribute to one of the best men I have ever met. I miss/will miss my Coach, my Friend, my Big Brother and am eternally grateful for having met him and been trained by the best over these past 3 years.

First, I hope everyone is doing well & remaining healthy. I'm somewhat older than most of U, grin, having borne witness to a history most of U have never experienced & yet I never thought I would be living in times like these because i would not have believed history would repeat itself so soon (never underestimate the idiocy of the American people who hopefully & eventually get it right).
Despite my youthful looks, lol, I'm a boomer, a child of the 60s- I was there when a beloved President was assassinated; when race riots rampaged across the country, when a wasted conflict became a war that cost 55,000 lives of young men "drafted" into service (more than a few of whom were in my HIgh School) & divided our country & marched for the end of that war; I was there in the 70s when women & gays (incl me) marched for civil rights & experienced the ecstasy of sexual liberation; I was there when a previous epidemic in the 80s destroyed my community in NYC, killing almost all of my friends & most of my partners while our government did virtually nothing; I was there in the 90s when we decided that silence meant death & we "Acted Up" & progress was finally made in that epidemic; I was there in 2001 at Ground Zero when the Towers came down, saw unimaginable horror & since I lived near those ruins & worked for the government assisted in the recovery (more friends died that day); I was there when another idiot President decided to go to war based on a lie & caused a great recession; & now I am here, watching thousands die needlessly in my hometown because the worst possible piece of crap is leading this nation during one of its most dangerous times.
As I had said in my file months ago after a health issue forced me to cancel my trip to Wrestlefest, the real fight in 2020 is the political one- for those of U who are reluctant to discuss politics for whatever reason, look at what has happened & how seriously your lives have & will be changed.
Anyone with a brain should now know what the World Health Organization has said in its guidelines once this pandemic seems to plateau & the results of political complacency- we are entering a "new normal" and this is esp true for contact sports. For many of U, this is your primary community so U best begin making adaptations & recognize the new reality- there won't be much fighting for a long time. If U want to see what real leadership looks like during this difficult time, the Governor of New York gives daily briefings about the effect of the virus within this state (11:30EST)- unlike Il Duce, his briefings begin with facts each day so we can see & have seen the trajectory this virus has taken w/in this state; over the past month, we have seen the drastic rise of this virus & its death toll till what now appears to be a plateau in this, the epicenter of the virus due to the density of NYC. He has moved heaven & earth to insure this state had the necessary capability to contain this virus & in a short time, he organized a statewide mobilization and coordination of resources, which seems to have worked, thank you Governor Cuomo.
I mention this for a reason- he is now discussing a gradual return to normalcy after what will be two months of social distancing/stay in place orders. For example, we must now wear masks or face coverings when in public, a small price to pay to keep the virus at bay. And after what this state has experienced & what has been done to reach this point in time, U can be damn sure he will NOT allow anything or anyone to compromise a SAFE approach to the "new normalcy:' & he will be doing it on a regional basis- rest assured, that most if not all of the Northeast US, along w the W. Coast, will be in lockstep w these guidelines due to his extraordinary leadership.
But this is what U guys need to understand- in order to return to normal, there needs to be testing & the priority for testing will go to essential workers & what will be considered essential will be impacted by whether the service is of high or low risk for the transmission of the virus. In short Dudes, gyms & places of physical recreation will most likely NOT be open for many months because I doubt any public health expert will consider them very essential, esp since they obviously have a high risk for infection, particularly true for contact sports. In fact, I have been reading that more than a few colleges have disbanded their wrestling programs indefinitely. I don't wanna be the bearer of bad news but until we have sufficient testing or a vaccine (note that after almost 40 years, there is no AIDS vaccine tho there is a medical regimen that has suppressed the virus), U should plan accordingly. Know that in NY, wch has done the most aggressive testing anywhere on the planet & wch is why we have the most cases, we have only tested just over 2% of the population & this country has tested only about 1% of its population- hardly enuff testing necessary for so many to get back to a "new normal". Be prepared to social distance for the long haul.
The other thing is that many of U will be tempted to wrestle "underground", a decision everyone is free to make. Just know that this is what life was like in the 80s during the AIDS epidemic- gay men did not stop having sex; one had to assume everyone was positive & accept that risk if it happened, wch it did to many who did not engage in safe sex. But here is the big difference- w AIDS, U were the only person being infected by that sexual act & even tho the diagnosis was fatal at that time, one could prevent the infection thru safe sex & did not usually die w the first hospitalization- it was a gradual but complete destruction of the immune system. Here, a match between 2 individuals w one or both being asymptomatic can cause several other members w/in the community to be infected because this virus is so easily transmitted & some may be more vulnerable to the disease resulting in death (wch is what is happening at this moment in time). Remember, this is a public health crisis- it may be time to be selfless rather than selfish. Your choice Dudes.
My first blog was entitled Lucky because I have been- I resented not living in a metro area because I was not afforded the same opportunities for matches as most of U living in those areas since i live in a rural area of upstate NY now; but up here, I have my own 3BR house on an acre of land so social distancing for me is no big deal- I have a huge yard to work & play in outdoors; I cannot wait for the weather to warm up so I can begin working out outdoors in my yard. My county is 3X larger than NYC w only 1% of the population so my frequency of contact w others is much less than in a metro area. & there are times age has its prerogatives- because NYS is so on the ball, I was able to snag a CV test & am currently negative & intend to stay that way, wch is hard because like most of U, I would not mind a good fite & even more, a hot fuck (so many NYers have escaped up here & so many are lookg for a good time BUT once in awhile, we gotta act mature & remember, this is NOT all about us- we're in this together, let's get out of it together alive & in good health.
Good luck, stay strong & be well Dudes. Shortly, I will tell U how I was able to snag the test & what the test was like- let's just say that after a minute, U just might wanna tap out, grin.
& if U have s/thg negative to say, feel free- I am negative & can fite anytime-U?? Just sayin..

It never ceases to amaze me how in today's world, so many people (including men on this site) actually think that their personal issues should be publicized. Anyone who knows me knows that I am extremely private- in chat, I am not there to tell everyone my business but hopefully meet other men for a match. But recently, I've read a few blogs & I have a story to tell- for all of U Tuff Guys, U may want to stop reading now because the fite did not happen in the ring or on the mats.
Being a witness to history, I'm also going to make a few comments that I think should be made-
as a man of my age, I don't believe younger men in their 20s, 30s, & 40s really appreciate just how lucky they are- they can get on the internet, meet men all over the world & arrange a match; when I came out in the 70s & moved to NYC, there may have been half a dozen gyms in the entire city (few of which were well equipped)- today, when I'm down in the city, there are tons of gyms not only for lifting weights but X-fit, bjj, MMA, boxing/kickboxing (it kills me that an amazing boxing gym opened a block from where I used to live & the squash courts of my former "health club" are now an incredible workout space), so lucky again; but most important, few if any realize just how lucky they are that they are and can wrestle/fite each other rather than fite a deadly epidemic- having lived in NYC in the prime of my life during the AIDS epidemic, I lost a whole social network of friends & all of my partners. My life was not watching the "Normal Heart" but actually living it for a dozen years- most of all, I am VERY lucky that the disease "passed me over", that I have not only survived but thrive. But I will always remember & the younger generation of tuff studs should also remember just how lucky they are.
Most men look at my profile, they see my pics (& yeah, very proud of my bod Dudes- not so tuff to have a muscular bod when Ur young but at my age, it requires work/discipline- 40 years of being a gym rat & engaging in as many athletic activities as I could handle ) & since this is a numbers site, sadly not many matches. Living in a rural area does not help but as my file indicates, I've had my share of sports injuries- when I first went online, I had an elbow injury, went to a surgeon, thought it was healed & had a match w a guy whose file said he was 20lbs heavier but actually was closer to 40lbs heavier; I should have been more patient because in a lock-up, the elbow snapped, the arm broke, tri tendon ripped so time off for surgery/rehab; a year later, my shoulder was sore (in my younger days, I was bench pressing 315lbs 5X regularly, max of 365/375 & yeah, that eventually takes its toll BUT I did have a 46 inch chest, grin), went to a surgeon up here who said my shoulder was a flat tire & could not be fixed after 2 torn cuffs; so I went to my city surgeon (nationally renowned, several surgeries w this guy) who repaired it & said I am the only patient/person he knows who has had 3 tears & still functions normally but again time off for surgery/rehab; then, there was the bi tear, wch went from partial to full- in my later years, my arms became my pride & joy- very muscular & vascular (16 inches in my old age, 17 inches younger), incredibly strong so none too happy when 1 of the bi tendons ripped & tho fixed, not as strong as before & even more time off for surgery/rehab, sad face.
But now the tuff fite, where I was really lucky- in mid-January, beautiful day & this guy decided to take a gym break & go hiking in the mountains. Tho cold, no snow & 1 of my favorite spots is Kaaterskill Falls, about 40 miles west in the Catskills- I go in the winter & summer because it's not only a decent hike, over 2 miles from the lot, 1-1.5 miles uphill, but incredibly beautiful (main reason I live upstate NY is because of the wealth of outdoor recreational opportunities). What I did not remember is that altho there was no snow, the mist of the running water does freeze in the ravine & the trail was much icier than I expected- I had my hiking shoes but not my grampians; still, I decided to make the hike & did make it to the top- the entire falls/creek were frozen & my pics are pretty awesome. What was not awesome was the fall on the way down- about half way, I came across a patch of ice about 10-12 feet long on the path, no branches to hold, no stones to lock Ur feet so I decided to tread lightly cept the ice had a mind of its own- after a step or two, I literally flew up in the air & landed smack on my butt; it was as if s/one over-hooked my arms & w brute strength, lifted me 3-4 feet off the ground & dropped me; 2-3 inches of ice is as hard, if not harder, than cement. FYI- being lean muscle, I don't have a beefy butt so that fall HURT & it didn't stop there; since I was on the ice, I just continued to slide, hit my face against a stump, felt the blood in my mouth & rolled off the trail about 5-6 feet into the ravine toward the creek bed but thankfully not all the way down.
Once I stopped moving, I knew the only thing to do was to get myself back onto the trail & that was when I realized, I could not stand- I had no support in my left leg! To complicate matters, about 25 years ago, I was walking w a limp & no one could figure out why until I went to my city surgeon- apparently, I had a bum hip at a young age & it had to be replaced, wch he did & as he promised, I was able to lead a completely normal life (incl wrestling, boxing & whatever else I wanted to do tho some caution was advised). & FYI- there was a famous athlete (Bo Jackson) who had a professional career in 2 sports, baseball & football, & was even younger than me; he too had a hip replacement at the same time but sadly for him, his careers ended (mine would have too if I were playing in either of those sports). Thankfully, I had both the mental resolve & physical ability to find a branch & pull myself back on the trail; looking at my cell, it was now 4:35 in the evening, 15 degrees & most important, NO cell service, no one on the trail & the hi-way not visible: a decision had to be made- wait for help (unlikely) or do what I had to do to try to get help (it was only getting darker & colder & honestly, I did not think I would survive an entire night unable to move in 0 degree weather on an icy trail). So unable to walk, I slid, pulled, crawled myself about a third of a mile down the trail until I could see the curve in the road (still no cell) so I shouted for help. As luck would have it, 2 girls from NYC who were driving down from Hunter Mountain heard me. One drove back to the nearest village, about 4 miles, to get help & the other came up the trail to assist me; seeing my injury, she advised I stay put but I said no- we were still too far away from the road & Search & Rescue would have to deal w me & ice for way too far & too long so she guided me, tree by tree, step by step till we were about 25 yards from the road. I could go no further- at the trailhead, there is a cascade of stones, covered in ice, but lucky (again), the Search & Rescue teams were there & assembling to take me off the mountain, wch they did as carefully as they could; & just in time- shock & hypothermia were beginning to set in. After a 45 minute drive to the nearest ER, I was told that tho my replacement was intact, my femur had fractured radially & a new replacement would be required w substantial surgery (wch lasted 4.5 hours), done by a surgeon, unknown to me but now 1 of my best Buds, who did a remarkable job of making me not only more bionic BUT better, grin, LUCKY!! I was then transferred to an amazing Rehab facility where I not only received excellent care but they helped make me function again- LUCKY!! I was back home in just over 3 weeks & 7 weeks after my fall, I went back to my surgeon who told me that it was his opinion & belief that I am not only healing well BUT in a few months, will be able to do everything I did b4 the accident- LUCKY!! & now that I have begun PT (& some light gym work), my therapist, who rarely pays any comps, has said she is amazed at how well & quickly my recovery is going- LUCKY!!
No, I did not strangle a mountain lion, nor did I have to cut off a limb to save myself nor do I compare myself to the many individuals who have injuries or disabilities much worse than what I have had BUT I think what I did on the mountain that night was pretty damn remarkable- don't ever count this Old Man out! I have strength, resolve, discipline & training- I'm not ready to quit anytime soon! (I'm too young, lol.) Most of U will never have an evening like the one I had back in January (hopefully) but I can only wonder how many of U would be able to do the same (consider that when U look at my numbers).
2 men on this site deserve a special shout out- Mattz, who is one of the tuffest fiters on this site & a genuine guy/sportsman has been a good Bud who, over the years & esp during this time, has only had words of support & encouragement, deeply appreciated Dude. & of course, Redland Guy, who is not only Mr. Tuff Purple Belt but has become a TRUE friend- altho we never grappled, he has stayed at my home bet matches a couple of times & he not only came to see this guy while in the hospital to check in on me BUT came up my 1st weekend home to offer any help he could- those are the actions of a TRUE friend. I am LUCKY to have made the acquaintance of both men on this site. & w/o naming too many names, I want to thank the words of support offered by other Buds w whom I have chatted & become friendly. Be patient, give me some time- I'll be back, maybe not as fully competitive, maybe w some limitations, but I will be back & Luck has a lot to do w it- some fites are like that, grin.